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tourist website

These questions and answers were supposedly posted on an Australian Tourism Website. The answers are the supposedly actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
 Q: Does it ever get windy in  Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (   UK ). 
 A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. 
 Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA ) 
 A:Depends how much you've been drinking.
 Q:I want to walk from  Perth to  Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
 Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. 
 Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in  Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane ,  Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK) 
 What did your last slave die of?
:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in  Australia ? ( USA ) 
 A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of   Europe .
 Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
 ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

 Q:Which direction is North in  Australia ? ( USA ) 
 Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. 
 Q: Can I bring cutlery into  Australia ? ( UK ) 
 A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
 Q:Can you send me the  Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (
   USA )
 A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is  
 Oh forget it. Sure, the   Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
 Q:Are there supermarkets in   Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) 
 A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
 Milk is illegal.
 Q:Please send a list of all doctors in  Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA
 A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
 All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
 Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA ) 

 A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.

 You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
 Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in  Australia ? ( USA)

 A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

 Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in  Australia ? ( France ) 
 A: Only at Christmas.
 Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? ( USA ) 
 A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first...