These questions and
answers were supposedly posted on an Australian Tourism Website. The answers
are the supposedly actual responses by the website officials, who obviously
have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for
cretins!)
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I
have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then
just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I
be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A:Depends
how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q:I want
to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure,
it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are
there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of
them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)
A: What did
your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q:Can you give me some information about hippo
racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent
south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia
is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh
forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come
naked.
__________________________________________________
Q:Which
direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face
south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send
the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can
I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just
use your fingers like we do...
__________________________________________________
Q:Can
you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a
is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget
it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q:Are
there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
( Germany )
A: No, we
are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk
is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q:Please
send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake
serum. (USA )
A:
Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good
pets.
__________________________________________________
Q:I have
a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a
kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's
called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and
eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by
spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q:I have
developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I
can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)
A: Anywhere
significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q:Do you
celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I
be able to speek English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but
you'll have to learn it first...
|